Making Friends Abroad 101

Anytime you move, there’s this tiny little realization (somewhere between your 12th box of crap and your fourth meltdown) that you’re leaving parts of your old life behind. Sure, your ride-or-dies back home will say they’ll keep in touch. And some will. But daily life? Out of sight, out of mind, baby. Their Target runs will go on without you, and your new Carrefour life will go on without them.

And then there’s the delightful challenge of trying to make new friends as a fully grown adult. There’s no playground anymore. You can’t just walk up to someone and say, “Wanna be my best friend?” and then immediately go play pirate princesses in a cardboard box or make mud pies. (Now it’s “Wanna be my best friend?” and hope they don’t think you’re unwell or trying to sell them essential oils.)

As someone from the Midwest, I know all too well the type of person who will give you directions to literally every antique shop in a 50-mile radius… except to their house. And let’s be real, we’re all busy. If you’re working and/or have kids, your free time is spent grocery shopping, wiping down mysterious surfaces, and trying to remember which friend you forgot to text back this week.

But here’s the one universal truth about making new friends, whether you move across the state or across the ocean:

You actually have to leave your house.

Ugh, I know. But it’s true.

The best advice I ever got while moving around the U.S. was this:

“Go do the things you love and the people doing them too will be your people.”

Amen and pass the rosé.

Moving abroad, weirdly enough, is one giant shared experience in itself. Everyone’s confused, everyone’s tired, and most of us are just trying to survive the French post office. So making friends actually gets easier — because everyone’s bonding over the same madness.

I swear I have more friends in France than I ever did in the U.S.

Maybe it’s the wine. Or maybe it’s the desperation. Either way, I’m into it.

Now, French friends? Different ballgame. Don’t expect to be invited to anyone’s house right away especially if your French sounds like a croissant in distress. Friendship is not a language class, and most people aren’t volunteering to be your unpaid tutor. That said, we’ve met some amazing French folks through our daughter’s school. The school pickup line is like a mildly awkward social mixer every day at 4:30. We exchange bonjours like we’re in a sitcom, and slowly but surely, those hellos become actual conversations. One mom even wants to learn English, so we’ve got a whole Franglais friendship situation happening. And look — if you’re still chatting three hours in? That’s called winning.

One of the best ways we’ve found to make friends in France is through this amazing group called AVF. It’s basically expat community magic. Hiking, book clubs, picnics, movie nights, French conversation groups — you name it. It’s not a language class, it’s just a fun way to practice with people who are equally terrified of verb conjugation.

Thanks to AVF, our little friend group exploded in the best way. In a town like Carcassonne, it means you start seeing familiar faces at the boulangerie and end up clinking glasses in the square instead of running errands. Not a bad detour.

Other friend hot spots? The gym, where you say bonjour to literally everyone like it’s your job. Local gallery openings (come for the art, stay for the wine). And if you’re lucky, you might get invited to someone’s holiday party and walk away with three new friends, two recipes, and a slight hangover.

But let’s be honest. Not every connection is a match made in apéro heaven. You’re going to meet people you just don’t click with — and that’s okay. In small towns, the rule is simple: smile, say bonjour, and keep it moving. You’re building a good life, and that doesn’t leave room for people with trash energy. (Be the baguette, not the burnout.)

So, now that we’ve all accepted that moving abroad is basically adult summer camp with wine and taxes, let’s talk about the cast of characters you’ll inevitably meet:

The Finisher

There’s always that one person in town who gets shit done. No fluff. No drama. No mysterious “ongoing projects” that linger like your ex’s hoodie. Just cold, efficient execution with style.

They don’t brainstorm. They attack.

New light fixture? Hung before you finished saying “luminaire.”

Bookshelf? Built, anchored, and styled.

Home reno? Wrapped before your Pinterest board even loaded.

They don’t tolerate laziness, ambiguity, or people who “need to sleep on it.” Sleep is for the unfinished. They don’t ask who’s helping, they tell you where to stand and hand you a wrench. You will be on their timeline, or you will be moved aside like last season’s curtain rods.

They are the village’s unofficial project manager, emotional support power tool, and motivational speaker by force. People don’t just ask for their help — they pray they show up. Their energy is so productive, just standing near them adds items to your to-do list.

They work into the night, fueled by espresso, righteous anger, and the collective failures of everyone around them. If you cry during a DIY project, they won’t comfort you, they’ll hand you a towel and tell you to tighten the damn bolts.

If they say “it’ll be done this weekend,” you better believe it’ll be done. And if you can’t keep up?

Well, sweetie… get out of the way.

The Know-It-All

“Need a visa? A vet? A vintage butter dish? I’ve got you.”

Honestly, we love this person. You need this person. They know every shortcut, every French form number, and probably the mayor’s cousin. Don’t let the name fool you — they’re the human version of Google, and they save lives.

The Socialite

“Ohmygod are you coming to Jean-Luc’s party tonight?”

No Debbie, it starts at 9pm and I have a child. That’s basically midnight.

This person knows everyone and everything. She’s charming, fabulous, and somehow both jobless and always busy. You’ll adore her — and need a nap after every interaction.

Meltdown Marge

“Why is EVERYTHING so complicated here?!”

It’s been three years and she still can’t buy stamps. Her favorite phrase is “It’s impossible,” followed closely by “Nobody emailed me back.” She’s constantly in crisis, usually involving paperwork or peanut butter. You feel bad… but also, girl. Come on.

The Lifestyler

“I came here for the vibes.”

Romanticizes everything. Even getting stuck in a roundabout. Health insurance? Confusing. Wine? Life-changing. Hasn’t learned French but can pronounce “Sancerre” like a sommelier. Everything is magical. Except that broken water heater.

The Culture Chameleon

“I don’t feel American anymore.”

They didn’t just move, they transformed. French scarf? Check. Fluent in cheese politics? Absolutely. Instagram is bilingual. Lives like a local and possibly is one now. Could be a secret government plant promoting cultural assimilation.

The Escape Artist

“I just needed to get away, you know?”

Probably fled a breakup, a burnout, or both. Calls it a “healing era.” Ignores official mail, but always has the best Spotify playlists. Will absolutely ghost you mid-friendship when the next country calls. But you’ll kinda miss them anyway.

Zen Jen

“Let’s just grab a coffee — it’ll work out.”

An actual ray of sunshine. She’s calm, helpful, and somehow never stressed. She reads instructions, fills out her visa forms on time, and has extra pens in her bag. You will want her to adopt you. Or at least start a cult you can join.

The truth is, every one of these characters brings something to the table. (Yes, even Meltdown Marge.) It takes a community to build a life abroad and the fun is figuring out who gets a seat at your table. Be generous with your time, but don’t waste it. And if someone’s always telling you they are “just too busy” to ever make plans? That’s a no. Friendship takes effort. If they wanted to, they would. Plenty of people will, and you’ll do the same for them.

Moral of the story?

Leave your house, laugh at the chaos, say yes to the wine, and don’t trust anyone who says they “don’t really do cheese.” That’s not your person.

If you liked this post, please like, share, and follow us on Instagram at @Le_Simple_Sudiste for more fun from our wild little life in the South of France.

Merci et à bientôt